“Silly Disputes: Rounds 1,2 & 3” :(Boxing Gloves + Acrylic + Digital Illustration, 2020)
This series was not only inspired by the messages I’ve received on Plenty of Fish, but ALSO by the platform’s “report a user” dialogue box language. I chose to report a man a few weeks ago after receiving multiple UDPs, harassing verbal assaults (including him saying he’d like to surprise me at work and show me a good time) and over 8 voice messages sent through the app. After crafting my report (which documented all the ways in which he violated their terms of service and community guidelines) I was shocked to read the following notice before I could submit my claim: “You can only report users based on the content of their POF profile. Reporting users because you don’t like them or have silly disputes with them will result in your account being deleted.” This language is not only dismissive and negligent, but actually is complicit in the victim-blaming and rape culture mentality that permeates cyber-space.
Not only do victims of this abuse carry the burden of having to repeatedly report this behavior, but when we finally muster the emotional effort required to do so, we are gaslight into thinking, “Oh maybe it wasn’t THAT bad.” “Maybe was just kidding around?” or “Maybe that bit about him saying I should just lie still and take it was his way of flirting?”. There is no such thing as a “silly dispute”. There are behaviors which violate boundaries and everyone is entitled to have their grievances considered.
Plenty of Fish has since adjusted the “report a member” language in their app (thanks to everyone who tweeted about this!). But that is just a band-aid attempting to cover up a gaping wound. We need real systemic change. We need dating app community guideline reform. Please consider joining my new initiative AWOL (AWOL): A week-long protest to combat gender-based injustice and abuse on dating apps and any digital platforms where women’s voices are silenced. The protest will start May 9, 2020 and last an entire week. A week of absence from the digital spheres where we are constantly and consistently harassed and abused, and where our pleas for equity fall on deft ears. Let these platforms hear our deafening silence on May 9, as we go AWOL.