In this classic tale of democracy gone wrong, we follow The Grifter, The Three Billionaires and a sordid crew of political despots down the nihilist path of late-stage neo-liberal capitalist collapse. This satirical adaptation of the beloved children's board book "Goodnight Moon" features original art and verse by feminist artist @Sareytales that will make you laugh and probably. So gather up your favorite MAGA loving uncle and that one weird cousin you’re definitely not going to talk to again…it’s time to read them the tale of “Goodnight Democracy”, the hellscape we now all live in, together.
Project 2025 / Vision 1: Make Some Beautiful Baby’s (digital illustration, 16x20 @sareytales 2024)
And here we are. 💔
Declining Odalisque
Digital Illustration, 14”x11”, @Sareytales 2024
The title of this piece is a play on. the classic female pose known as the “reclining odalisque”,
or “reclining nude”, made famous by prominent artists such as Matisse and other white, European men.
Here, the woman is depicted as the Exoticised Female Form, an object existing as if only for the gaze of the artist as well as the (intended) audience, typically white, heterosexual and male.
Reclaiming the Gaze
The classic “Reclining Odalisque” exemplifies the concept of the male gaze by depicting the intimate and vulnerable position of a nude woman lounging, exposed without her consent. The “Declining Odalisque” reframes the male gaze, and we consume this art from the perspective of the subject, our odalisque.
She is looking into a row of gilded mirrors, peering at what one would assume must be her reflection. But instead, she can only see these words written on the glass “Hormone decline due to age in a woman is just a harsh reality” [sent by Cutetallguy, 23].
By brazenly reflecting the privately delivered insult back to the audience, we invert the male gaze by exposing his message for all to see.
Critiquing the Message
Description: Messages sent by a man via dating app Plenty of Fish.
Analysis: After the initial message was ignored, Cutetallguy doubled down, hoping that reminding the recipient that she will, in fact, age, would convince her to reply favorably to strange internet man.
Interpretation: Please lower your standards because time is running out for you.
Judgement: Insecure and fragile man does not like being ignored. He is insulted that someone facing the impending doom of hormone decline would reject him.
“Defaced” (digital illustration | 15”x19” | @sareytales 2023).
SOLD at Dirty Show XXIV
Life Drawing: Fig. 1 (Life is Sacred)
Digital illustration, 11”x14”, 2023 @sareytales
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Life Drawing classes were required in art school. I really didn’t love them, it was 90-120 minutes of intense observation and failed attempts at capturing the nude model just perfectly so. But every now and then you’d create that perfect stroke, one that captured the ironic energy of inertia, the life of someone sitting so still.
The name of this series is “Life Drawings” (also referred to as figure drawings).
These drawings are observational drawings from live nude models. I have always said that the men of dating apps are my muses, and this series highlights that truth.
Men who hold such bombastic (mis)beliefs about conception, reproduction, body autonomy and reproductive freedom are at odds with reality. But that doesn’t make them any less dangerous. Their ignorance about consent, sexual intimacy and the health and wellbeing of women’s bodies is violence. I wish this life drawing illustrated a different truth. But I draw what I see.
Scroll to learn more about Donn, the linguist who crafted this incredibly poignant prose.
Life Drawing: Fig. 2 (Life is Simple) // digital illustration, 11”x14”, 2023 @sareytales
Life Drawing classes were required in art school. I really didn’t love them, it was 90-120 minutes of intense observation and failed attempts at capturing the nude model just perfectly so. But every now and then you’d create that perfect stroke, one that captured the ironic energy of inertia, the life of someone sitting so still.
The name of this series is “Life Drawings” (also referred to as figure drawings).
These drawings are observational drawings from live nude models. I have always said that the men of dating apps are my muses, and this series highlights that truth.
Men who hold such bombastic (mis)beliefs about conception, reproduction, body autonomy and reproductive freedom are at odds with reality. But that doesn’t make them any less dangerous. Their ignorance about consent, sexual intimacy and the health and wellbeing of women’s bodies is violence. I wish this life drawing illustrated a different truth. But I draw what I see.
Scroll to learn more about Matt, whose contempt for women is palpable.
“An Irrelevant Older Woman” (2023 |
photography + digital illustration | 11x14 inches)
This piece is as inspired by message sent to me via my IG DMs, not a dating app…
Under patriarchy, a woman’s proximity to a man gives her relevance. As she ages, her social capital diminishes. She becomes invisible. All she can do to save her from the obscurity of irrelevance is the heteronormative coupling with a man.
The art in the second slide of this post adds the line “…lives happily ever after”, because irrelevance is about perspective.
Maybe being/becoming irrelevant to the male gaze is a benefit at the micro/individual level.
But thinking more critically, irrelevance has real consequences which result in a framework of laws, policies and cultural narratives that perpetuate systemic equities causing harm to people labeled “irrelevant”. Those who decide who is irrelevant and who is valuable in a society hold the power.
The dismantling of Roe v Wade, book banning, don’t say gay bill, police violence, general lack of empathy for the most vulnerable during covid - all these have one thing in common: the people they impact most are considered less than, disposable, irrelevant. And the laws created, passed and upheld by the oppressor class reflect this mindset.
Irrelevance is violence.
The Sacrifice (Originally created in 2019, re-worked in 2023)
Clay + Acrylic on Drywall, Graphic Design + Illustration
The criminalization of reproductive autonomy is violence.
The sacrifice we make when we choose to have an abortion. The sacrifice we make when we choose not to. We hold our power in our. ability to choose.
Women, uterus havers, those who are able to carry life and all marginalized voices have always sacrificed, and have always been sacrificed. And now, more than ever, our bodies and reproductive autonomy have been weaponized and used as collateral in the war against women.
𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙆𝙞𝙘𝙠𝙨 ® (Polymer Clay, Hershey Chocolate Kisses Wrappers, Digital Illustration + Hand Lettering, 2023 @sareytales).
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“Want to kick my balls?” He asked 😵💫
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One of my submission for DSXXIII @dirtyshowdetroit 🖤
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Swipe to see the message that inspired the art, plus some alternate interpretations of this same message from years past.
Introducing Your No Feminist®, A New Handwritten Typeface by @sareytales
“How’s the feminism movement going these days?”, he asked. Pithy, innocent little opener relating to an interest listed in my dating profile, or an invitation to be red-pilled by this feisty free-thinker?
There was just something about the way the message read to me that set my senses on high alert. I’m still not entirely sure what his agenda or motivation was, bc he skedaddled outta there pretty quickly after I didn’t take the bait, but his messages did make me think a little.
Why did this man feel it necessary to (in)validate my commitment to feminism (or anything, really)? Why do many men so often assume that their thoughts, beliefs and desires are more valid than others, especially women?
Introducing Hostile Leftist®, A Radical New Handwritten Typeface by @sareytales
About the Product: The Hostile Leftist® Typeface is dripping with radical ideologies like universal healthcare, wealth & income equality, reproductive justice and the equitable redistribution of goods. Its woke agenda includes grooming children to be empathetic and compassionate adults and indoctrinating our youth with the coping skills to survive in an increasingly cruel & apathetic social construct.
BEWARE:
The Hostile Leftist® Typeface will transform any conservative design project into a socialist revolution.
“Just Say Thank You / A Simple Compliment” 🖕🏽💋(digital painting + illustration, 5x7, 2021 @sareytales)
View the full presentation here.
All I can say is...WOW! Thank you EVERYONE who showed up, supported (near and far) and rooted me on not only yesterday at @tedxdetroit but throughout this entire journey, but especially to my team, you know who you are <3 I’m feeling all the love the morning after, and I couldn’t be more grateful for all of your support 🖤I don’t have any footage to share yet, but if you scroll through this post you’ll get a little taste of my presentation. The audio really made it extra special, and extra creepy 🤣HUGE thank you to all the guys who lent me their douchiest interpretations of some of the worst messages, your voices brought this presentation to life, you are all AMAZING 🙌🏼.
Woman Series
Piece one of my “Woman” series intentionally coincides with International Woman’s Day.
This collage combines photos of various facial features of multiple women. I was limited by the actual photos I could ¬¬find in the magazines I sourced. This is intentional. The traditional mainstream magazines I have access to feature a specific type of beauty standard…either white, thin and European, or “exotic” in the most tokenizing sense, (especially the older publications I sourced, some of the photo captions were mind-blowing). Our idea of what a woman “should” look like is heavily influenced by narratives the media perpetuates. In this sense, women are both the consumer AND the product.
The dating app message this piece was inspired by “You[re] Gonna Be My Chick” is an example of this idea as women we are not only “ownable”, but that the label given to us (in this case “chick”) and is determined by the consumer and not an autonomous decision. Our form is fluid, but always exists in the plane of the male gaze, malleable only by his desires and expectations.
The fragmented face that is formed from the incongruous angles of facial features, ethnicities, and generations attempts represents all women, but fails miserable at doing so because the photos themselves do not represent the spectrum and breadth of what it means to be a woman. They are just the flattened, gendered expectations preserved by and repurposed by the men who want us to be their “chick.”
IWD2021 is a day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. This day of recognition has been acknowledged for over one-hundred years, and I think this year, 2021, it is even more critical we take a moment to reflect on just how necessary initiatives like IWD and, more broadly, feminism are needed to protect, empower and elevate ALL women’s voices.
“Woman Series: Model 2 / The Prize” 🌺🏆🌸(Collage using photos sourced from various magazines including Marie Claire Spring 2021 & Garden Style / digital illustration / @sareytales2021)
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Men using the threat of aging to A) manipulate women into lowering our standards or B) gaslighting women into believing we are somehow less valuable than a younger version of ourselves.
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Nothing new here. But I did like the idea of exploring age using the vehicles that try to sell us the age/beauty/value propaganda to begin with: magazines. This collage combines two faces. One youthful, one aged...two side sides the same coin, really. In each of us exists a young and old version of self. I consider it a privilege, not a burden, to experience the spectrum of life the aging process permits.
“Woman Series: Model 3 / Thee Incubator” ⏲🤰🏻Digital collage using photos sourced from various magazines / digital illustration / @sareytales 2021)
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Continuing my “Woman” Series is piece #3 titled “Thee Incubator”, inspired by messages from a man on plenty of fish (swipe to read the full convo).
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Men who consider women incubators instead of humans who grow new humans see women as objects, as their property. And as a woman-object, our function is to procreate, and if we chose not to do that, if we cannot do that, or if we no longer are able to perform, our value diminishes. I see a direct through-line from men claiming woman as property to the anti-abortion stance and reproductive rights. How can property have rights? How can you ask consent from something that cannot give it?
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The guy in this convo, Michael, also refers to men as “sperm donors”, which you might think makes his creepy euphemisms not sexist, but I would argue that a sperm donor is still an autonomous entity, a human, with the agency to donate his sperm or not, whereas an incubator is comparing a woman to an inanimate apparatus that exists only to provide an environment to help hatch or grow an organism, even if it is against her will.
"Mother | Soldier" (Digital collage using photos sourced from Ballistic Magazine and Bazaar + digital illustration; 2021).
The final installment in my "Woman Series" is Model 4: Mother | Soldier. Swipe to read the conversation that inspired this piece. You may recognize "Nick" from two other pieces I have shared before. He is now a member of The Sareytales Hall of Shame....
A different kind of war. Battles fought on the terrain of our bodies. Small deaths every day. Losing ourselves, becoming ourselves. A new life departs the womb, leaving the old to fend for itself. A sacrifice for future generations. We don't learn about these battles. The risk, the struggle of pregnancy, the trauma of delivery, the despair of postpartum or the agony of mourning a life not lived. Surviving, coping, in a body that feels other, with a heart that holds too much love for the new world it has created.
Some wars kill. Others create.
Tear That Butt Up (2017) / Detroit Dirty Show 19
“Tear That Butt Up” is a favorite piece of mine that I created back in 2017 when I received the original message from a guy on Plenty of Fish. I posted this work again after receiving the same message from the same guy the following year in 2018. When I confronted him, he said he must have been hacked (even when I presented him with actual screenshots of his own words). And he even had the audacity to say that I was the abuser in this scenario for using his words without his permission (I guess now they are his words after all?)
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I share this piece again today in 2021 bc not only does it mark the 3rd time this man has sent me nearly identical unsolicited, sexually violent messages (which he categorically denies sending)…and not only bc when presented with undeniable proof, he refuses to concede any responsibility and instead relies on tactics such as gaslighting and DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) to deflect any accountability…
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I’m also sharing this again today bc of the soul crushing news of Bill Cosby’s “exoneration”. A sexual predator accused over 60 times of rape and and convicted of sexual assault is now a free man because he knows how to play the system built by m*n for m*n. If this teaches us anything, it’s that a m*n’s actions, from sending harassing messages on dating apps, to sexual assault and worse, will always be protected by the patriarchy. No amount of evidence, data, or collective trauma is more persuasive than a m*n’s plausible deniability as well as the systems that continue to protect abusers and deny victims any justice.
Cold Hearted” 🧊🖤🧊(ice heart mold + digital illustration / @sareytales 2021)
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The final piece in my Un-Valentine’s Day series features the same guy who inspired piece number 1 (Love Yourself First). He gave me a lot of material to work with. From dismissing my boundaries, by-passing my “leave me alone”, gaslighting and threatening me with legal action, it was hard to pick just one!
Birmingham artist has the last laugh -- or text -- with bad online dating experiences by Maureen Feighan
The Detroit News February 13, 2021
Access full article here (subscription to The Detroit News required)
“Conversations from the Heart” (candy hearts, digital illustration / 2021)
Unspirational Quote 1: “Drunk Love” (digital illustration, 2020)
Unspirational Quote 2: “According to Womb?” (digital illustration, 2020)
Unspirational Quote 3: “Become Lesbian” (digital illustration, 2020)
Unspirational Quote 4: “Cats4Ever” (digital illustration, 2020)
“American Kink 1: Meritocracy” (American Flag, wire, latex mask, facial mold, digital illustration, 2020)
—The Illusion of Meritocracy denies the existence of Inequality.
“American Kink 2: Capitalism” (American Flag, ball-gag, facial mold, digital illustration, 2020)
—The Struggle is the Point
“American Kink 3: Violence” (American Flag, hand molds, digital illustration, 2020)
—It’s not a bug, it’s a feature
“American Kink 4: Patriotism” (American Flag, mannequin, digital illustration, 2020)
—We are a Nation bound by violence, capitalism and the illusion of meritocracy. This is our Patriotism
Since Trump took office, the messages I have received on dating apps have become increasingly aggressive, violent and disturbing, and more often than not, have political implications. I have been archiving these interactions through artistic interpretation in posts such as this and discussions in my IG stories.
I have started to notice a phenomenon that I am calling, “The Festishization of American Patriotism”, wherein people (disproportionately white or white presenting men) have radicalized patriotism to the extent that it no longer can be characterized as the love and respect one has for their country, but a dangerous and distorted sense of devotion and reckless allegiance for the people and policies who they believe uphold the American Dream, a dream which upholds the status quo of patriarchy, racism, oppression and male supremacy.
My series “American Kink” co-opts the fundamental values our country was built upon, and examines how these founding principles have been hyper-masculinized, sexualized and warped to fit the narrative of a new generation of American Patriot.
Femnazi Hoes Concert Series presents:
Concert 1: The Baby Killers!
Concert 2: Self-Loathing Man Haters
Concert 3: The Hateful Vaginas
Concert 4: The Feminist with an Agenda
.I had this idea a couple years ago to create a series based on vintage/retro concert posters, and I finally got inspired to do it!
“The Baby Killers” poster art takes it’s inspo from an old Nirvana poster I came across and the psychedelic absurdity of old Grateful Dead paraphernalia I remember from growing up in the 90s.
“Self-Loathing Man Hater” is inspired by the psychedelic posters of the 60s (think Janis Joplin)
“The Hateful Vaginas” takes its cues from Metallica plus 80s sci-fi.
“The Feminist with an Agenda” is inspired by art deco poster art from the 30s/40s.
Super excited to be featured in India’s The Week Magazine
“A Man of Integrity: 4 Years of Trump” (@Sareytales ©2020)
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A (long) poem constructed using (nearly) all of the trump-related messages I have received on various dating apps from 2016-2020.
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This may be the end of Trump, but it’s not the end of Trumpism.
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“4 Years of Trump” is the manifestation of my personal experience of being on a dating app during the Trump presidency. And as gut-wrenching as some of these messages are, I know that mine is an experience of relative privilege. It does not, nor could it attempt, to encompass all the injustice, horror, brutality, reckless neglect, cruelty, hatred, bigotry, gaslighting, oppression, racial violence, gender discrimination, and complete and utter lack of regard for humanity that too many Americans and their loved ones have had to endure not just for the past 4 years, but for too many generations to count.
The act of creation is how I can process pain, grief, fear, optimism and hope. And now that we have some fleeting space to breath, I am taking the time to emotionally purge all these toxic messages in art form. But the somber truth is that too many of us have experienced so much worse than these messages, and have lived this suffering for much longer than a single term presidency. And while we can all breathe a sigh of relief for the moment, nothing had changed other than we now have the opportunity to hold our elected officials accountable to their promises and our demands.
Commodification
Commodity 1: Perfection (red pepper, carrots & garlic clove structure + digital illustration, 2020)
Commodity 2: Emotional Labor (capsules, glitter, Rx bottle + digital illustration, 2020)
Commodity 3: Love (polymer clay heart sculpture, rose petals/stem, digital illustration, 2020).
Commodity 4: Silence (wax lips, hardware, digital illustration, 2020).
Series Credo: "Be perfect, work for free. Love is the lock, and silence the key"
The Commodification of Women on Dating Apps:
Women are the product being offered on dating apps. Not romance, not even dating. We provide the unpaid emotional labor and virtual bodies that men routinely demand access to, paralleling out-of-app reality. The accounts of women, BIWoC and marginalized gender identities are censored more severely, resulting in profile modification and removal. Why? Because these platforms are not built for us. They are designed for and typically by men, using algorithms that exploit our bodies and silence our voices for the consumption of both the individual male gaze and that of the dating platform.
PERFECTION: Perfection is what women are socialized to aspire to, and what men are conditioned to seek (regardless of their own short-comings). We internalize this social contract and fixate on perfection. Not for ourselves though, but for male gaze consumerism. Women’s perfection is commodified, and man the ultimate consumer. The vegetable sculpture is comprised of organic produce, representing “perfection” at all costs, and takes the form of a reclining odalisque, a classic figure that traditionally poses for the benefit of the male gaze. In the end, both are consumed with and by perfection.
EMOTIONAL LABOR: The social contract which assigns “emotional labor”, or unpaid interpersonal work, to women and those who identify as women, has been indoctrinated in all of us since before we even knew that this form of exploitation existed. Beginning around the advent of the industrial revolution, the ideology of division of labor placed men in the public workforce and delegated women to the private sphere of home and domestic matters. This desire to isolate and exclude women (and let’s be honest, any non-white cisgender male) from the public sphere (which was the only place one could achieve any real influence) was implemented by limiting our ability to fully participate in an economy in which a person’s worth was determined by their ability to be profitable (ie make money) in a patriarchal capitalistic society.
Men’s public labor is rewarded with monetary compensation (aka capital) which can then be distributed back into the economy. Meanwhile, the private sector labor performed by women, which included conforming to traditional gender binary roles of where women were expected to be subservient, nurturing, supportive and empathetic, was not monetized work and therefor deemed less valuable because her compensation (safety, security, financial support) could not be re-invested directly in a capitalist economy.
Women have been socialized to assume the responsibility of The Emotional Laborer, even when we ALSO perform labor with monetary compensation outside the home, doubling the burden of expectation and workload. Men are not entitled to access to our finite emotional resources which are often exploited by those conditioned to expect it.
LOVE: How does the idea of love fit into the overall concept of this “Commodification” series? To me, love is something manufactured. Artificial and contrived. Love, as exploited in our capitalistic society, is not a feeling, but a commodity. Love is a carrot dangling just out of reach, and we just might be able to grab it if we only stop trying so hard. Love is a rose, presented as a contrived courtship ritual exchange of goods, reinforcing the transactional kind of love that the patriarchy perpetuates. Love is something to achieve, not feel. Love is exchanged, not given freely. Love is a mechanism to control, not liberate. Love is a lock. But what is the key?
SILENCE: The commodification of women’s silence is the most lethal weapon the patriarchy has at its disposal. Women have been indoctrinated since birth to be docile, play nice, be the bigger person, don’t tattle, wait your turn…and then, in adulthood we are reminded to bite our tongue, pick our battles, let it go, don’t make a scene, be rational, be good, be quiet. Be ANYTHING that doesn’t make a sound in this world where men arbitrate the rules.
Women’s silence is commodified in our capitalistic economy. We gain social, political and economic capital by remaining silent when we might speak up in cases of sexual harassment and abuse, rape, and gender-based violence. Remain silent and keep your job, marriage, friends, reputation. Speak power to truth and risk social alienation, psychological trauma and physical abuse, personal safety, etc.
Our silence results not only from our conditioned complicity in a patriarchal society, but as a means of survival. Wearing our quiet as a cloak, we discover that our silence allows us certain freedoms, because we are not seen as a threat to the status quo.
For all the false reasons we self-silence, and all the real ways we have been silenced, it’s critical to understand that the patriarchy requires our silence, it CRAVES our complicity to continue its insidious perpetuation of the status quo, which has one purpose: to benefit the few while oppressing the many.
“Make Some Beautiful Babies” (@sareytales 2020)
Found poetry created from the anti-choice, anti-women, anti-humanity (and unsolicited) messages I have received from m*n on various dating apps over the years.
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I won’t say it wasn’t difficult to sift through these garbage messages, full of hypocrisy, disinformation, violence and utter ignorance, but i also know it was my choice to do so. After writing “A Man of Integrity” using all the trump messages I received, I felt compelled to do the same exercise but with anti-abortion messages. There is something cathartic about re-purposing the words intended to belittle, harm and discredit, reframing them in a way that empowers, uplifts and educates.
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I know this poem will be hard to read. It is hard to share but i think it’s important to feel this discomfort as we work to disrupt the status quo.
“Haiku 1: Addicted” (sumi ink + water color + digital illustration, 2020)
“Haiku 2: Big Mouth” (sumi ink + water color + digital illustration, 2020)
The messages that inspired my “Unintentional Haiku” series were sent unknowingly following the Japanese poetic form of “haiku”, following the traditional 5-7-5 syllabic pattern, with the third line ending the poem in particularly currying, jarring or unexpected manner. I did have to take some creative liberties (for instance, this guy’s original message didn’t begin with the word “oh”) but no message content has been altered to fit this traditional Japanese literary format.
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** I do want to make clear that I am NOT a literary scholar and I am certain I have made errors in my definition and execution of this art form. Any errors or oversights are not meant to disrespect the Japanese culture or literary field. My art is intended to be purely satirical. **
Femme(nism) Fatale 1: Marilyn (illustration + digital rendering, 18”x24”, 2020)
Femme(nism) Fatale 2: Frida (illustration + digital rendering, 18”x24”, 2020)
Femme(nism) Fatale 3: Lizzo (illustration + digital rendering, 18”x24”, 2020)
This series explores the “F” word...Feminism. Why is this simple word met with such loathing, disgust and ignorance?
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If feminists (and feminism) scare you, it is because you fear the oppression you think we want in retribution for being oppressed, which is entirely missing the point. Feminists do not want revenge. We want equitable systemic change that benefits everyone.
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Feminism is the belief that we are all equal. Not that womxn are better than men. Or that men are inferior to womxn. Feminism is our response to the eons of oppression under the patriarchy. If a person is offended by the concept of feminism, it is because they do not want to give up the power (perceived, or by association) and privilege afforded to them by the status quo. Keeping things how they are perpetuates systemic imbalances between genders and socio-economic positions and marginalized identities. People who wish to disrupt the status quo are often mocked, degraded and, by many, feared because, as feminists, we demand equality and equity for all.
Last Friday, I was supposed to be a panelist at SEEN Magazine Annual Women’s Event. Obviously that is on hold...but in the meantime Nicole Frehsee Mazur(editor-in-chief @seenmagazine) wrote up a masterful piece on that tells the story of my art and my personal life, and how they are basically indistinguishable at this point 🤣. Also a huge shout out to the talented @eakirklandphoto for capturing the these moments, I had a blast with you and your enthusiastic partner 😂. It is an absolute honor to be featured in a article with such inspiring women: Eva Feldman, Meagan Ward (@femology), Florine Mark (@askflorine), Monica Wheat (@mwheat14) and Joy Falotico.
Mask 1: Assimilate (plastic face mold + horns, flowers, acrylic, photography, digital illustration; 2020)
Mask 2: Educate (plastic face mold, polymer clay brain sculpture, acrylic, photography, digital illustration; 2020)
Mask 3: Endure (plastic face mold, moss, dirt, flowers, digital illustration; 2020)
My series “Unmasked” will explore a small sampling of the anti-semitism I have encountered in the digital dating world. From the seemingly innocent (”you’re pretty for a jewish girl”), to the ignorant (”do all jews have big noses?”) to the disturbing hateful (“fuck you, kike”), each selected message will manifest itself in a different mask. The mask of the oppressor and the mask of the oppressed. Each hiding its own truth. A stolen memory: We had been instructed to hide, while others’ fear, hatred and bigotry was publicly celebrated. And we still hide, sometimes figuratively behind masks, but many other times behind doors, walls, others words and our own silence. Let us unmask the oppressors so that the oppressed may be free.
For the final piece in my “Unmasked” Series, I wanted to visually show the idea of past vs future, and how not forgetting the past, while also embracing the future, is a form of endurance. It is not weakness to remember past struggles, but strength. The left side represents the past. It is dark, there are no flowers blooming, the eyes are vacant. As your gaze travels to the right (the future), life begins to bloom again. A small sprout peeks out from an eye socket. Flowers garnish the faces that have been left behind. Life is in full bloom. We have endured worse, and one day these time now will become the memory we keep, reminding us of how strong we truly are. 🌱🌸
I have been wanting to create a series based on my jewish heritage for a while, but wasn’t sure how to do that in an inclusive, artful and impactful way. I recently had the opportunity to visit Israel (returning a week before the Coronavirus erupted) and was inspired to dig into my collection of dating app messages (re: anti-semitism themed) and curate a series that felt relevant and powerful, especially after connecting with so much jewish culture last month. Even though “Unmasked” speaks to the anti-Semitic messages I personally have received on dating apps, I believe that any marginalized person (gender, skin color, religion, etc) can relate many of the themes expressed. The idea that oppressors often wear masks to hide their true nature, and that the oppressed have learned to mask their true identities for their own safety, or to preserve some sense of self, is a universal experience for anyone who has been oppressed by bigotry, racism and closed-mindedness.
Vessels
Vessel 1: Slut (mannequin + acrylic + digital illustration, 2020)
Vessel 2: Goddess (mannequin + acrylic + digital illustration, 2020)
Vessel 3: Mother (mannequin + polymer clay + acrylic + digital illustration, 2020)
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The male gaze transforms the female form into a vessel of his own creation.
We are sluts, virgins, whores and holes. We are prudes, teases, ladies and goddesses. We are breeders, incubators, and nurturers. We are mothers. Even if we never desire such a role, the cult of motherhood is cast upon us.
We are simultaneously good and evil, fair and unjust, feared and loved. We are everything and nothing at all.
Our bodies carry more than just the potential for life. We carry hope, shame, love, fear, joy, silence and rage.
We carry the biases, anger, resentment, and judgment of others and ourselves.
Our bodies are vessels carrying the unbearable weight of the world 🖤
“Silly Disputes: Rounds 1,2 & 3” :(Boxing Gloves + Acrylic + Digital Illustration, 2020)
This series was not only inspired by the messages I’ve received on Plenty of Fish, but ALSO by the platform’s “report a user” dialogue box language. I chose to report a man a few weeks ago after receiving multiple UDPs, harassing verbal assaults (including him saying he’d like to surprise me at work and show me a good time) and over 8 voice messages sent through the app. After crafting my report (which documented all the ways in which he violated their terms of service and community guidelines) I was shocked to read the following notice before I could submit my claim: “You can only report users based on the content of their POF profile. Reporting users because you don’t like them or have silly disputes with them will result in your account being deleted.” This language is not only dismissive and negligent, but actually is complicit in the victim-blaming and rape culture mentality that permeates cyber-space.
Not only do victims of this abuse carry the burden of having to repeatedly report this behavior, but when we finally muster the emotional effort required to do so, we are gaslight into thinking, “Oh maybe it wasn’t THAT bad.” “Maybe was just kidding around?” or “Maybe that bit about him saying I should just lie still and take it was his way of flirting?”. There is no such thing as a “silly dispute”. There are behaviors which violate boundaries and everyone is entitled to have their grievances considered.
Plenty of Fish has since adjusted the “report a member” language in their app (thanks to everyone who tweeted about this!). But that is just a band-aid attempting to cover up a gaping wound. We need real systemic change. We need dating app community guideline reform. Please consider joining my new initiative AWOL (AWOL): A week-long protest to combat gender-based injustice and abuse on dating apps and any digital platforms where women’s voices are silenced. The protest will start May 9, 2020 and last an entire week. A week of absence from the digital spheres where we are constantly and consistently harassed and abused, and where our pleas for equity fall on deft ears. Let these platforms hear our deafening silence on May 9, as we go AWOL.
“Propaganda 1: Respect Us” (Digital Illustration, 2020)
“Propaganda 2: Arouse Us” (Digital Illustration, 2020)
“Propaganda 3: Placate Us” (Digital Illustration, 2020)
Propaganda is information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view. Throughout history, government agencies have used propaganda to push specific agendas…this manipulation and dissemination of the truth is still very much in use today.
What happens when we begin to internalize these biases as truths? What happens when then narratives we are fed becomes the stories we believe and pass on? What happens when “Us” is not “we the people”, but those who control the masses? True power is the ability to tell the story you want others to believe. The man who sent this message believed his narrative that women should respect the men is the only true version of the story. I hope this series will empower some of you to disrupt the narrative, in some small way, so that other stories may be heard.
“New Religion” (polymer clay/acrylic butt sculpture, wooden painted cross, various props/art direction, digital illustration + photography; 16x20 / 2019)
“Like a Snack” 🍑👅 (polymer clay sculptures set in ramekins, caramel, jelly, assorted berries, digital illustration + photography; 11x14 / 2019).
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This guy was a classic case. First he uses the “are you real” trope to get my attention, then after being rejected pulls out the “oh you only date (insert race/class/descriptor here) men” and he nails his coffin lid shut with some good old sexual harassment.
“The Gift” (11 inch polymer clay sculpture, resin coating, enamel detail, roses, digital illustration + photography; 18x24 / 2019)
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Best gift ever! I love when internet strangers offer their genitals in a greeting. I think these will look beautiful in my dining room. P.S. Jared claims he’s a surgeon…I wonder if his area of expertise is…?
These guys might have had the punchline, but I get the last word…
Punchline 1: Full of It (digital illustration, 2019)
Punchline 2: Say Hello (digital illustration, 2019)
Punchline 3: RMB (digital illustration, 2019)
I had the pleasure of chatting with the team at Daily Detroit directly after my TEDxDetroit Presentation November 6, 2019.
Click here to listen to the interview (I go on around 12 minutes into the segment)
GRRRL PARTS is a 24-hour online series of work about violence against women and girls (VAWG) for the United Nation’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, created by @sareytales, in collaboration with @Microgralleries.
VAWG is one of the most widespread, persistent and devastating human rights violations in the world. And online platforms have created a new medium for violence, and silencing. The GRRRL PARTS campaign series explores how gender-based violence has seeped into the cyberspace and digital platforms such as dating apps and social media, perpetuating the devastating cycle of rape mentality - and it is an increasingly fine line between real life and digital space.
The sexually violent messages that inspired the art are all real, received from women across the world. It is our hope that these disturbing statistics and messages paired with the iconic barbie doll - a representation of ideal femininity for the male gaze - will raise awareness of the prevalence and gravity of the situation women face every minute of every day online.
“Fortuna 1: Don’t Count On It” (Digital Illustration, 10x10, 2019)
“Fortuna 2: My Sources Say No” (Digital Illustration, 10x10, 2019)
“Fortuna 3: It Is Decidedly So” (Digital Illustration, 10x10, 2019)
House Rule 1: Domesticate // Digital Illustration, 16x20, 2019
House Rule 2: Medicate // Digital Illustration, 16x20, 2019
House Rule 3: Don’t Resist // Digital Illustration, 16x20, 2019
“House Rules” explores the “rules” we are expected to follow or conform to in our patriarchal society. Of course, my response is always to break the rules.
I had the pleasure of speaking with the women of Ladylinks last week. They are a bold platform dedicated to providing resources to help empower, inspire and educate women around the world. Check out the full article via link below.
“If you’re a single woman in these times or if you’ve ever had to use a dating app, then you are well aware of the cyber-bullying, borderline abuse that can happen on such platforms. Usually women just grow thick skin and power through unsolicited d**k pics or verbal abuse, but Sarey from Sareytales has turned all this online dating hostility in works of art.Read our latest article on the horrors of online dating and how they can become a creative outlet”
“Hot Air 1: Pop Goes the Ego” / mylar balloon + photography + digital illustration / 2019
“Hot Air 2: Deflated” / mylar balloon + photography + digital illustration / 2019
“Hot Air 3: Nice Guy Parade” / mylar balloon + photography + digital illustration / 2019
How many times has a self-proclaimed “nice guy” exposed himself as anything but when he doesn’t get his way? 🙋🏻♀️🙋🏼♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏾♀️🙋🏿♀️Scroll to read a handful of messages that exemplify this toxic behavior. It’s interesting how two seemingly opposite mentalities (toxic masculinity and nice guy mentality) often manifest themselves in a united front, especially in the digital dating landscape.
Soft Serve / Polymer Clay + Vanilla Soft Serve & Waffle Cone 2019
As part of Detroit Art Week’s ‘On View Exhibitions’ series, the gallery’s latest exhibition, “Tinder Moments,” dissects romance, intimacy, and modern-day dating via social media and dating apps.
But, it’s not all sweet and cuddly exchanges. Asia Hamilton, gallery owner and curator of the exhibit, collaborated with Sarey Ruden, an artist and designer known as Sareytales, to offer an artistic deep dive into the dating underworld. With use of mixed-media, interactive structures and imagery, the ladies ditch subliminal messaging and turn the travesties of online dating into evocative, thought-provoking visual pieces.
Another year, another Unsolicited Dick Pic initiative. This time, I am using watercolor to bring these specimens to life.
UDP 2.0 .1 from Bryan, October 2018
UDP 2.0.2 from Ivan, August 2019
UDP 2.0.3 from Gary, August 2019
“F is for Fuck” (plastic letters + acrylic + digital illustration), 2019
“G is for G Spot” (plastic letters + acrylic + digital illustration), 2019
“D is for Dick” (plastic letters + acrylic + digital illustration), 2019
Article written by Sari Beth Rosenberg (Writer, Teacher & Speaker and Co-Founder of the Feminist Eagles). Thank you for telling my story so beautifully via The Fullest.
Read full article here.
Erotic Ice Cream 1: Vanilla (2018) / Venus Rising Exhibit, April 2019
Erotic Ice Cream 2: Tongue Tango (2018)
Erotic Ice Cream 3: Hung & Fun (2018) / Seattle Erotic Art Festival, April 2019
Erotic Ice Cream 4: Creme De Femme (2018) / Dirty Show XX, February 2019
Legend 1: Rape Culture is a Myth (2018)
Legend 2: Blame Biology (2018)
Legend 3: Silent Consent (2018)
Legends explores the many beliefs rooted in the patriarchal system of sexual dominance, normalizing sexual violence, social privilege and dehumanizing rhetoric which form the myths and urban legends that eventually evolve into fact for many men (and women). Trigger warning.
Anachronism 1: Outsmarted (Acrylic x Gold Leaf x Drywall Panel / 24”x24”)
Anachronism 2: Not a Doctor (Acrylic x Silver Leaf x Drywall Panel / 24”x24”)
Anachronism 3: Dinner’s Ready (Acrylic x Silver x Drywall Panel / 24”x24”)
An anachronism is something that is out of harmony with the present...kinda like Jason’s totally obsolete mentally that women shouldn’t act too clever, or at least not more so than a man.
“Guys Just Wanna (Have) Cum 2: Nut ‘n Glow”
“Guys Just Wanna (Have) Cum 3: Exsqueeze Me?
Acrylic on canvas + glow in dark accents, 16x20 / 2019
Guys Just Wanna (Have) Cum: Exsqueeze Me?” (Acrylic + Glow-in-the-Dark Accents on Canvas, 16x20).
Another example of “boys will be boys” right? When I initially shared this message via IG story, I received some responses saying his message didn’t merit my “public shaming”, because, obviously, he was just being funny and trying to get my attention. And for a moment, I considered that maybe I was being too harsh, too judgmental, after all, he did ASK me if I would let a guy squeeze one out on me, so, that’s kinda like consent, right? But the more I thought about it, and the more I processed how his question, and proceeding messages, made me feel (uncomfortable, disturbed, grossed out, angry), I knew I wasn’t over-reacting. In fact, perhaps I wasn’t incredulous enough. And that is my point. Women are conditioned to take a joke, laugh it off, or simply just ignore anything or anyone that makes us uneasy. And while that may mitigate the immediate anxiety of the situation, what about the bigger picture? What about the comments, joke and insults that turn into hostile, aggressive and violent actions? What about those who cannot defend themselves? What about the next generation of young men who grow up believing it is acceptable to treat women with such disregard and contempt?
“Love Yourself First” (candy heart suckers, digital illustration / 2021)
“(A)Hole” / 2’x2’ drywall + clay + acrylic, 2019
Monti started out with a decent enough message. After not receiving a response, however, he showed his true colors. At least he waited a full 14 hours before succumbing to his own sense of entitlement. Swipe to read the convo and see how he manipulates our exchange, ending with the declaration that I must be a dark, empty hole to snub him, The Monti.
Anesthetized 1: Medicate Me with Givenchy (2018)
Anesthetized 2: Bi-Polar-Eyez (2018)
Anesthetized 3: Pieces of Me (2018)
Using real makeup as my medium, Anesthetized explores how our culture equates emotions and femininity with weakness, a condition that must be numbed/muted/medicated.
This series was displayed at the Visual Art Exhibit in conjunction with Nevertheless in San Francisco, March 2019.
What an incredible experience last week inSan Francisco with the remarkable Cat Call Choir, ka·nei·see \ collective and Allison Bouganim as we honored International Women’s Day in the best possible way: celebrating the strength, grace and tenacity of all women along with the amazing cast and crew of the #Nevertheless performance and accompanying art exhibit 🖤 My heart is full, thank you for blowing me away with your talent and kindness 💕 Until we meet again 🙌🏼 #dontbesodramatic #sareytales #theartofonlinedating #collaboration #feministart #shepersisted #metoo #choir #moderndance #allthefeels @ Z Space
Event details can be found here
Spoils 1: Be Expire (2019)
Spoils 2: Ovum Aerulian (2019)
Spoils 3: Still Life (2019)
This series explores our culture’s perception that a woman’s worth is dictated by their youthfulness. Throwing a man-trum when you don’t get the response you had hoped for (or any response at all, in this case) is just ridiculous. Aging is privilege, not a number to be used to manipulate a person’s boundaries.
Objet Trouvé 1: Muffin (2019)
Objet Trouvé 2: Turd (2019)
Objet Trouvé 3: Brain (2019)
Objet Trouvé 4: Penis (2019)
This series is called “Objets Trouvés “ aka “Found Object”, an art concept perfected by #duchamp (his most well-known example is the Ready-Made “Fountain”). These objects develop their identity via the content in which they are placed or viewed, therefore assume different interpretations depending on the creator, the consumer, and of course, social and historical context. As an art form, “Found Objects” challenge the viewer to rethink what they consider are vs. not art. Which is always an interesting dynamic. What do you consider art?
In Your Face: The Unsolicited Dick Pic Project
This page is dedicated to all the unsolicited dick pics women (and men) have received. They are unwelcome at best, disturbing and violating at worst. Apparently it is acceptable for men to send UDPs to unwilling recipients on dating apps, snapchat, even mail drop, but when these same pics are displayed in an attempt to show how violating they are to receive, censorship abides. This page is password protected and you must be over 18 to continue viewing.
These sculptures and other art were inspired by real and unsolicited dick pics received on various dating apps, as well as a collection of over 300 submissions from around the world. UDPs are an all too common side-effect of the online-dating ecosystem. But that doesn’t mean they should be normalized or tolerated. Although dick pics may be two-dimensional, they consume emotional space by violating the boundaries of the receiver IRL, while allowing the sender to control and dominate the interaction.
Much as the unwilling recipients of UDPs feel shocked and violated, it is my hope that this project will inspire debate about what consent means in the digital age on online dating and social media, while bringing awareness to this form of sexual cyber-bullying.
#Sareytales #UDPproject #TheArtofOnlineDating
I guess you'll never know if you don't ask, right?
Talking about UDPs with artist Laura Lineback
Taking the Leap from Visual to Audio on The DBrief (Spring 2021)
Powering Up with Anne Doyle (November, 2020)
The Daily Detroit at TEDxDetroit (November 2019)
The Path to Authenticity with Tom Gentry (June 2019)
SheDo (April 2019)
Dating Kinda Sucks (March 2019)
Don’t Waste Your Pretty (December 2018)
KRCW Radio Race (Provided anecdotal UDP content to “the A Team”, September 2018)
“Mural of the Mundane 1: If at First”, 2019 // The Creation of Adam reproduction + acrylic overlay
“Mural of the Mundane 2: Death of Venus", 2019 // The Birth of Venus + acrylic overlay // Included in the “Venus Rising” Exhibit at The Tangent Gallery in Detroit, April 26 & 27, 2019)
“Mural of the Mundane 3: Blame the Whore”, 2019 // The Fall of Man + acrylic overlay
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again? When I initially shared screenshots of the onslaught of messages from Ernesto (Mural 1), I received some negative feedback: “Stop leading him on”, “He’s being sweet, you should reply”, “You are being cruel to exploit his sincere interest in you for personal gain”, and my favorite “He seems like a nice guy, why don’t you just reply, or at the very least, tell him you’re not interested”. 😩 My complete lack of ANY response *should* have indicated I was not interested, but he persisted until finally my account was deleted (thanks Plenty of Fish). How does the burden of ending the (one-sided) conversation land on the person receiving the messages? And how does this play into the idea of consent vs non-consent in real-life interactions.
Interview with Sarey Ruden of Detroit’s Sareytales: The Art of Online Dating
Read full article here.
Check out the podcast episode here.
Honored to be included in the Class of 2017 Detroit Jewish New’s 36 Under 36 making moves in the Metro-Detroit Area.
Read full article here.
De Trop 1: So Dramatic (2018)
De Trop 2: Crazy (2018)
De Trop 3: AFB (2018)
De Trop is a French word meaning “too much, superfluous or excessive”. As it relates to online dating, when a person is called “dramatic” it generally is because the aggressor didn’t get the response they were hoping for (usually in response to a sexual query). Calling someone dramatic is a way to manipulate the conversation, attempting to make the other person question their reactions to something that violated their boundaries. The De Trop series explores these phrases and tactics through the use of over-the-top balloon art.
Revelation 1: Find Yourself First (2019) / Photo taken at Raymore Steel Co. in Detroit + Acrylic + Digital Manipulation
Revelation 2: Toxic Intuition (2019) / Photo taken at Raymore Steel Co. in Detroit + Acrylic + Digital Manipulation
Revelation 3: Words of Wisdom (2019) / Photo taken at the Russell Industrial Center in Detroit + Acrylic + Digital Manipulation
Revelation (n.) disclosure, epiphany, proclamation. To reveal instead of to conceal, hide or otherwise diminish. This was a particularly cathartic series for me. While the messages that I received inspired the art, the art also inspired me. Be true to yourself, and all will be revealed
Allegedly 1: Patriotic Penis (2018)
Allegedly 2: Shhh (2018)
Allegedly 3: Unmasked (2018)
"This is what they think of us. Let's show them what we think of them". Powerful words from @womensmarch inspired my #AllegedlySeries which will continue to expose the sexual violence endemic our country is and always has been suffering from. No more silence. Be heard .
Survival of the Feminist (2018) / Gallery at Nevertheless in San Francisco March 2019
RAW Artists Detroit at Saint Andrew’s Hall
2018 DIYSF, Ferndale, Michigan
Pancakes & Booze Art Show, Detroit
Thanks so much for this lovely article @TANYASIROHI featured in The India Times, January 2019.
Read full article here.
Ever since 45 became POTUS, politics have become an omnipresent undertone to many of the messages I receive on dating sites. This could turn into a very interesting social experiment: The more chaotic and polarizing our country becomes, so too do the messages I receive. This presidency is toxic, and it's toxicity is poisoning the veins of our country.
Fox 2 Morning News September 2019
Pechakucha Night Detroit (2017 & 2018)
Creative Entrepreneurship: The Art of the Hustle (Detroit Start-Up Week, 2017)
Fox 2 December 2016
Fox 2 February 2017
TV20 March 2017
It’s been an amazing experience participating in the largest internal erotic art exhibit here in Detroit for the past 3 years! Dirty Show XX was a huge success, displayed not only “Creme De Femme” but my UDP Project installation.
Lacuna 1: Inner Space (2018)
Lacuna 2: Primativa (2018)
Lacuna 3: In Bloom (2018)
Lacuna means “a blank space, gap or that which is missing/lacking”. This series of polymer clay sculptures explores how our culture devalues and dehumanizes women, reducing us to “dumb, wastes of space” for voicing our opinions, or following the path less traveled. Own your space.
(Lacuna 2) For those who condemn our right to choose how we govern our personal space, for those who perpetuate the reckless myth that abortion is an easy way out, or an alternate form of birth-control, or a mindless act of murder, and for those who propagate the miseducation of our youth by spreading the belief that a women’s body is not her own, hear us: This is space is ours. P.S. “Ilikepizza1” babies don’t grow in your stomach
(Lacuna 3) I wanted to create a piece that took up as much space (literally and figuratively) as possible. The vulva-roses are unapologetically in your face, reaching out from the canvas (hopefully making you feel a little uncomfortable), much like the messages which inspired them seemed to jump from my inbox and into my psyche, violating the boundaries of my personal space.
On top of being a single, childless women in her mid-30s, I'm Jewish too! Some guys just love weaving that fact into all their insults and (under-handed) compliments. Joy!
House of Theodora is a community of women who make, create and design for sexual expression. I was so thrilled to be a selected feature in their “Friday Fives” initiative, as well have my work included in their erotic art directory.
Full interview can be read here.
APRIL FOOL’S! “Return to Sender: Buzzfeed Edition” was just a prank, Hope it made you chuckle. Covid-19, however, is not a laughing matter. Please DO consider donating to one of the organizations below:
The UDP Project as well as Erotic Ice-Cream 2: Hung & Fun were on display at this year’s Seattle Erotic Art Festival. More info can be found here.
Feminists Act is an incredible resource which provide access to information about reproductive rights, political involvement and other social justice issues. I had the pleasure of speaking with them about Sareytales, art, and what feminism means to me.
https://www.feministsact.com/listen/an-interview-with-sarey-ruden/
There’s nothing I love more than a good collab. I approached Shannon (@badasscrossstitch) after vying over her collection of stitchings and art-as-activism gems for at least a year. I was shocked to even receive a response from them, let along to be greeted with such enthusiasm and support for my work. It was such an absolute privilege to work with Shannon, she is a creative visionary with a voice that won’t back down.
“Jesus, Guns & Rollerblading: This is America”
Collaboration with the original badass herself @badasscrossstitch, who’s conceptual cross-stitching vision gave life to my idea of creating art from this man’s dating app profile in true @Sareytales form. It was an absolute dream to work on this piece together, from Shannon’s inspired interpretation of “Jesus, Guns & Rollerblading”, to rendering the same words into different iconic American environments (The Lincoln Memorial, Department of Commerce Building and Statue of Liberty). It was empowering and gratifying working with such a force of badass-ness. Scroll to read the message that inspired the art. This guy is clearly ignorant to the incredible physical and emotional responsibility of pregnancy, as well the excruciating decision of whether or not to have an abortion. This ignorance manifests itself in our society every minute of every day. Jesus, Guns & Rollerblading, is this America?
DIYSF 2019 Recap:
✅ Scorching Temps
✅ Torrential Rain
✅ Blisters, Bruises & Blood
BUT ALSO...
💜 So many new and returning friends, stories shared and connections made
💜 An amazing event with the most helpful staff
💜 Incredible support from friends and family near and far.
The @diystreetfair is my favorite art fair every year, and #DIYSF12 didn’t disappoint. As always, I am blown away by the dedicated staff, enthusiastic crowds and overall acceptance, support and encouragement to keep doing what I’m doing. Thank you for an incredible weekend 🖤🖤🖤#sareytales #theartofonlinedating#diysf #ferndale #feministart #detroit#onlinedating #artfair #detroitartists
“Lesbian, Maybe?“ (digital illustration, 2018) 🤷🏻♀️👩❤️👩🤷🏻♀️
#tbt to this simple line drawing and the conversation that inspired it from a couple years ago, when I wasn’t as savvy with screen capturing the entire profiles of the men who messaged me, but I assume this profile was blank. Current me probably would not have replied to this guy’s message, but I am proud of this young tale…a profile with NO photos really should not be requesting phone numbers, even if it was in jest (but was it?). And that leads me to a thought…how often do you encounter a guy who pulls the whole “I was only kidding/can’t you take a joke” song and dance once their “joke” isn’t received well?
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There are many other things to unpack within this short exchange. The whole “women shouldn’t express anger” comment pops out to me now, as I begin to learn how critically important being able to express anger, rage and disappointment are to my identity as a woman. Lastly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but that fact that this man somehow was implying that, because I was angry (a traditionally dominantly expressed trait) I might secretly be a lesbian (again, lots to unpack there) is just ignorant.
4 YEARS of TRUMP” (Sareytales ©2020)
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A (long) poem constructed using (nearly) all of the trump-related messages I have received on various dating apps from 2016-2020.
This may be the end of Trump, but it’s not the end of Trumpism.
“4 Years of Trump” is the manifestation of my personal experience of being on a dating app during the Trump presidency. And as gut-wrenching as some of these messages are, I know that mine is an experience of relative privilege. It does not, nor could it attempt, to encompass all the injustice, horror, brutality, reckless neglect, cruelty, hatred, bigotry, gaslighting, oppression, racial violence, gender discrimination, and complete and utter lack of regard for humanity that too many Americans and their loved ones have had to endure not just for the past 4 years, but for too many generations to count.
The act of creation is how I can process pain, grief, fear, optimism and hope. And now that we have some fleeting space to breath, I am taking the time to emotionally purge all these toxic messages in art form. But the somber truth is that too many of us have experienced so much worse than these messages, and have lived this suffering for much longer than a single term presidency. And while we can all breath a sigh of relief for the moment, nothing had changed other than we now have the opportunity to hold our elected officials accountable to their promises and our demands.
